For Dads, Brothers, Boyfriends, Ex- Boyfriends and Friends.
It may be the perpetual psychologist in me, but I am on a life-long quest to understand the way men work. What makes them tick? How can I compartmentalize them? How do their emotions work? These are all questions that I ask myself, on a daily basis, in order to fully understand what we women are dealing with, every day.
I watched an episode of The Bachelorette this evening. Don't judge me- I live alone and there is no shame in watching Series channel, alone, on a Friday night and reveling in the fact that no one can take the remote from me and change it to some program on Sharks or guys eating the raw flesh of a bison that they have just killed, just to stay alive in sub-zero temperatures. Sometimes it's just nice to be a sentimental, emotional girl. There really is no shame in that.
These men that have opted into being a part of this American show are going through a really tough time. And before all of you cynical people remind me that it is a Hollywood production and they are probably all actors, I'm going to disagree with you right off the bat. The Men that have made it to the last few rounds are guys playing for someone they truly have feelings for. It might be something that they have never had to do before, and facing up to six other guys with exactly the same emotions and attractions as you might not be an everyday occurrence, but they really are going through something. It might simply be the fact that they, unwillingly, have open and outward emotions that they can do nothing about. Anyway, (and yes, I do have a point) it got me thinking about how complex men really are.
Now guys, try not to shrug everything off that I am about to write about you. You probably think that you are better, stronger, more stealth, 'above' or 'soooooo over' what I am about to write, but take a breath and read on... because I'm not writing so much for you, but for me and any other women that feel like they may identify with what I think. Let's begin... (22:48)
(23:10) Let me not kid myself here. Through 22 ( and three quarter) years, many relationships and countless encounters with the opposite sex, I still do not know what makes them tick. I know that cooking a good meal, and putting some thought into what their favourite meal is wins me a smile and an appreciative look...but very soon a sleeping body. I know that it really does not pay to be winy and bitchy and always want things my own way ( even though I may feel like I always deserve it). I know that being able to throw a rugby ball, or hit a cricket ball wins surprise and being able to take a punch, and give one straight back wins too many browny points to count.
I understand that all men have good days and bad. We are lucky enough to have a biological reason for them- men don't have the option of PMS'ing. I understand that sometimes, I am not the easiest person to live with, or communicate with or be around. I understand that even though they think it, men have an incredibly torrid time explaining the way they feel. And yes, I understand that sometimes the only way to let the frustration out is to blow hot air out of your mouth and punch a hole in the bathroom door. There's always the weekend available to fix those little outbursts- Laughtons is truly wonderful!
I appreciate the tickles, and the teasing. I appreciate the way you all try your best to understand us- women are not easy things to navigate. I appreciate the distance you keep when we have our bad days, and the way you can carry most things on your back without ever being asked if you need help. I appreciate the sentiment, even if you feel like it didn't come out the right way and I appreciate that you try.
You see, it is so easy to get caught up in the moment. I do it. My friends do it. My family does it- I even see random people on the street doing it. It's not always about 'me'. There are so many other factors that are involved and sometimes it really is the hardest thing to tear yourself away from everything and realise what being a woman or a man means. We are programmed differently and thank god for that because if we weren't, sure we would probably not fight as much, but we also wouldn't be here today!
So, I am grateful for all the times I huffed and puffed about your towel being on the floor or your dirty dishes not being in the sink. I am grateful for all the times you ruffed me up as a kid and hit me harder than I thought I could handle. I am grateful for all the times you disciplined me and could see further than what I thought I deserved. I am grateful for the pain you caused me because it make me so much stronger. I am grateful for your friendship, and your laughter and your support.
So, in short, I am in awe, on a quest to understand and kind of knowledgeable about men. But most of all, I appreciate all the small things that have changed me somewhere along the line. I am so grateful for the fact that it's not always about me, but about YOU and me. I appreciate the 'yin' and 'yang' of women and men and continue to strive to know more about what makes men tick. For now though, I think I will simply carry on carrying on. Hopefully I will encounter more confusing, difficult, interesting and charming men along my path who will make being a woman that much more fun and enjoyable. For now, go- eat yards of Boerewors, drink beer, 'handle' the braai and keep finding it hard to 'talk about your emotions'. We'll carry on being women- we can also be really confusing.
With Love and Gratitude x
I watched an episode of The Bachelorette this evening. Don't judge me- I live alone and there is no shame in watching Series channel, alone, on a Friday night and reveling in the fact that no one can take the remote from me and change it to some program on Sharks or guys eating the raw flesh of a bison that they have just killed, just to stay alive in sub-zero temperatures. Sometimes it's just nice to be a sentimental, emotional girl. There really is no shame in that.
These men that have opted into being a part of this American show are going through a really tough time. And before all of you cynical people remind me that it is a Hollywood production and they are probably all actors, I'm going to disagree with you right off the bat. The Men that have made it to the last few rounds are guys playing for someone they truly have feelings for. It might be something that they have never had to do before, and facing up to six other guys with exactly the same emotions and attractions as you might not be an everyday occurrence, but they really are going through something. It might simply be the fact that they, unwillingly, have open and outward emotions that they can do nothing about. Anyway, (and yes, I do have a point) it got me thinking about how complex men really are.
Now guys, try not to shrug everything off that I am about to write about you. You probably think that you are better, stronger, more stealth, 'above' or 'soooooo over' what I am about to write, but take a breath and read on... because I'm not writing so much for you, but for me and any other women that feel like they may identify with what I think. Let's begin... (22:48)
(23:10) Let me not kid myself here. Through 22 ( and three quarter) years, many relationships and countless encounters with the opposite sex, I still do not know what makes them tick. I know that cooking a good meal, and putting some thought into what their favourite meal is wins me a smile and an appreciative look...but very soon a sleeping body. I know that it really does not pay to be winy and bitchy and always want things my own way ( even though I may feel like I always deserve it). I know that being able to throw a rugby ball, or hit a cricket ball wins surprise and being able to take a punch, and give one straight back wins too many browny points to count.
I understand that all men have good days and bad. We are lucky enough to have a biological reason for them- men don't have the option of PMS'ing. I understand that sometimes, I am not the easiest person to live with, or communicate with or be around. I understand that even though they think it, men have an incredibly torrid time explaining the way they feel. And yes, I understand that sometimes the only way to let the frustration out is to blow hot air out of your mouth and punch a hole in the bathroom door. There's always the weekend available to fix those little outbursts- Laughtons is truly wonderful!
I appreciate the tickles, and the teasing. I appreciate the way you all try your best to understand us- women are not easy things to navigate. I appreciate the distance you keep when we have our bad days, and the way you can carry most things on your back without ever being asked if you need help. I appreciate the sentiment, even if you feel like it didn't come out the right way and I appreciate that you try.
You see, it is so easy to get caught up in the moment. I do it. My friends do it. My family does it- I even see random people on the street doing it. It's not always about 'me'. There are so many other factors that are involved and sometimes it really is the hardest thing to tear yourself away from everything and realise what being a woman or a man means. We are programmed differently and thank god for that because if we weren't, sure we would probably not fight as much, but we also wouldn't be here today!
So, I am grateful for all the times I huffed and puffed about your towel being on the floor or your dirty dishes not being in the sink. I am grateful for all the times you ruffed me up as a kid and hit me harder than I thought I could handle. I am grateful for all the times you disciplined me and could see further than what I thought I deserved. I am grateful for the pain you caused me because it make me so much stronger. I am grateful for your friendship, and your laughter and your support.
So, in short, I am in awe, on a quest to understand and kind of knowledgeable about men. But most of all, I appreciate all the small things that have changed me somewhere along the line. I am so grateful for the fact that it's not always about me, but about YOU and me. I appreciate the 'yin' and 'yang' of women and men and continue to strive to know more about what makes men tick. For now though, I think I will simply carry on carrying on. Hopefully I will encounter more confusing, difficult, interesting and charming men along my path who will make being a woman that much more fun and enjoyable. For now, go- eat yards of Boerewors, drink beer, 'handle' the braai and keep finding it hard to 'talk about your emotions'. We'll carry on being women- we can also be really confusing.
With Love and Gratitude x
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