Loneliness- aarrggh.
Right now, I feel so alone. I hate this feeling- it's like someone pushed 'mute' on the big remote and left you alone with your own thoughts, to wonder what all the other happy people are doing, and what makes their live so full right now. I hate thinking about the reason I am lonely, too. Sometimes, when a simple reason presents itself, another one pops up, and another and another. Before I know it, I am sitting here, alone, counting all the reasons why I feel like someone has popped my big helium balloon.
Being apart from someone you love and care for is a terribly hard thing to do. It's a soul searching thing that makes me look into the deep, black, hard-to-reach places of my soul and find out what it's made of. It's something that makes me get a particularly odd kind of feeling- you know the one where the pit of your stomach feels slightly achy, and you can't quite pin-point where it originates from, until you find out that it stems from your heart.
The smallest things can make this ache intensify. The memory of the way my hand and his would fit perfectly together as if they were made that way. The memory of how certain phrases, said in a particular way, could brighten his day, and, in turn, mine too. My ache gets bigger when I remember that while we are apart, he will experience things that I will never be a part of. I will, in turn, go through something that he has no knowledge of.
With each day, the ache in my heart ebbs and flows. It gets bigger, and more intense, like an exquisite pink sunset over the sea. It will then fade away and retire from where it has come until the next time that loneliness strikes.
Although I have many wonderful people in my life, who fill up my days and take my mind off things, there is still no replacement for the feeling of contentment I get when I am with him. That ache that I was talking about before? Gone. The tingly feeling I get in my hands when I have been in my own company for too long? Calm. The sky? Bluer. The light? It's more intense, and it highlights the beauty that is all around me in this beautiful city. Loneliness puts a filter on that light- like the one they use on Top Gear when they are trying to be extra-dramatic.
I hope that when tomorrow comes, the camera man has forgotten that filter at home.
1437
Being apart from someone you love and care for is a terribly hard thing to do. It's a soul searching thing that makes me look into the deep, black, hard-to-reach places of my soul and find out what it's made of. It's something that makes me get a particularly odd kind of feeling- you know the one where the pit of your stomach feels slightly achy, and you can't quite pin-point where it originates from, until you find out that it stems from your heart.
The smallest things can make this ache intensify. The memory of the way my hand and his would fit perfectly together as if they were made that way. The memory of how certain phrases, said in a particular way, could brighten his day, and, in turn, mine too. My ache gets bigger when I remember that while we are apart, he will experience things that I will never be a part of. I will, in turn, go through something that he has no knowledge of.
With each day, the ache in my heart ebbs and flows. It gets bigger, and more intense, like an exquisite pink sunset over the sea. It will then fade away and retire from where it has come until the next time that loneliness strikes.
Although I have many wonderful people in my life, who fill up my days and take my mind off things, there is still no replacement for the feeling of contentment I get when I am with him. That ache that I was talking about before? Gone. The tingly feeling I get in my hands when I have been in my own company for too long? Calm. The sky? Bluer. The light? It's more intense, and it highlights the beauty that is all around me in this beautiful city. Loneliness puts a filter on that light- like the one they use on Top Gear when they are trying to be extra-dramatic.
I hope that when tomorrow comes, the camera man has forgotten that filter at home.
1437
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