The Promise

With every day that passes, it's another day that takes me further away from the tragedy of Tyler's death. In many ways, that is an absolute blessing. As I have said many times before, the red-hot throbbing of your heart that persists after someone close to you dies is unbearable. So, with each sun that sets, and each one that rises again, the red-hot pain dulls. But, just as the passing of the days takes me further away from the pain, it also makes me feel like the memory of him is fading just as fleetingly as the twilight hours. The realization that I have forgotten what he looked (Looks?) like is a jagged pill to swallow. It's the feeling of your stomach dropping when flying up and over a hill in the road. It makes me stop. And take a breath. A deep one. It makes me close my eyes and recall the memory of him.

The fear of forgetting someone who is lost (but, in T's case who has now been found) is dark and cold. It holds you there- fearful- and makes it difficult to let go. Trust Tyler to shed some light in the dark and make me feel warm again... Last night, after an amazing day spent lounging in the pool, eating and drinking until maximum volume was found, I sat watching the African sun sink below the silky covers of the ocean. I wasn't wallowing in sadness of Tyler, but sitting- reflecting- on a day gone by, as well as things and people gone by. A conversation about music started among the sun-setters sitting outside, and we quickly landed on Tracy Chapman. I hopped over to my i-tunes library and pulled up her songs. 100% compelled, through no doing of my own, I landed on Chapman's "The Promise- once again proof that T-bob is still around, enjoying the days with me. 

It won't be difficult to realize why her words tie into my fear of forgetting my friend who has been found. Tyler, from her lips to your ears my friend. I miss you every day- yesterday, during the last few moments of the evening,  was intensely more than usual. x

If you wait for me then I'll come for you

Although I've traveled far

I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile

Then I'll return to you

I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me like I dream of you

In a place that's warm and dark

In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you and I have desired

To see your face your smile

To be with you wherever you are

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you and I have desired

To see your face, your smile

To be with you wherever you are

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

Please say you'll be waiting

Together again

It would feel so good to be

In your arms

Where all my journeys end

If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you

If you wait for me and say you'll hold

A place for me in your heart.

Love and Gratitude- especially for the African sun 

x